I was having a recent episode with a bag of cheetos, and I suddenly thought of the phrase "eat your heart out". I thought, is this what I'm doing, eating until my heart goes away? Food does have a numbing effect. I checked the origin of the word, and one definition said "To eat the heart out is to remove the core or most important part, a part that will surely be missed."
I'm eating my heart out. It's a way of not feeling, as I'm sure that everyone who has issues with food has figured out. And my heart is "surely missed". There are tons of things you miss out on when you numb yourself to the world. I numb my pain, but what is it costing me? Time with Lizzy (my five-year-old)? Vulnerability with my husband?
Another supposed origin of the phrase is adapted from the 16th century "eat one's own heart", meaning to suffer from silent grief or vexation.
Yep. I started eating this way when I lost one of my best friends to suicide. The grief has been profound and long lasting, and I sometimes wonder if I will ever feel like I'm not eating my heart out.
